Its Friday (Xi'an III)

And that means tomorrow is Saturday. (At least in this country). And that means I might actually do something besides sit around in my pajamas. Like maybe go somewhere. Or get some kind of cool illness. Id really rather not do that, actually.
So I need to finish this up...bet you all thought I took a trip to Xi'an and all I did was climb a mountain! Nope. No sirree.
So here's the rest of the photos, for your viewing pleasure and enjoyment.
Or you can close your eyes.
But that would be silly.

I went to this temple.
It was unlike any temple Ive ever been to, anywhere, ever.
It was HUGE. And excessively gold. And ostentatious.
There were (of course) twelve hundred million people there, but it was so big you could hardly tell.


The entrance. Complete with costumed dancing girls throwing flowers. (to the left of the picture)


Most of it wasn't actually 'temple'. Most of it was this massive paved avenue lined with huge gold things and giant other stuff. Like this really really big bell. The thing to ring it was the size of a large tree.


These massive gold statues lined the walk, different incarnations of the Buddha (I think that's what they were) in pairs every fifty feet or so.
If a seventy foot tall gold guy riding a dragon was coming after me, I'd be Buddhist too.


The square/avenue/interstate highway was leading you up to this massive stone building topped with this huge gold thing. (seen reflected here)


Have I communicated sufficiently how big everything was?


Troughs of incense. About the same amount of smoke as a California summer wildfire.


You join the giant line passing the incense trough and snake your way inside.

Eeeeeek! Mommy! There's another one!


So there's a reason this place is so big and grand.
They have a relic of the Buddha, given to them forever ago by one of the kings of India.
Its a finger.
More specifically, its a finger bone.
Of the Buddha.
See the giant gold Buddha? (man, was he big!)
See the shiny gold...thingy...in front of him?
Inside the gold thingy is a gold stand, on top of which is a crystal coffin, which contains a tiny little hollow finger joint segment.


If you're really special and legit, you can pray on these squishy yellow cookies.
(see close up of giant doors below)


The doors to this place.
That's me.
I could barely reach the doorknob.


I actually really like this picture.

The thing I want to know is...if this huge crazy place was built for his finger bone, wheres the rest of him?


Moving on...
there was also an old temple on the grounds. Probably the original temple.
To get there, you had to walk the gauntlet of people trying to sell you stuff from outside the gate.
Mainly incense.


They had a lovely pagoda.


I love monks.


Eeeeeek! They're getting the pot ready!
I told you they cook you in these if you're bad!


I pretty much want to dress like this all the time.


Detail from a giant incense burner.
This begged to be in black and white.


We left that madness and went to someone's tomb.
My legs were killing me (from our trip up and down the mountain the day before), so I went a little way up the hill there and then came down.
There were headless statues everywhere.


Ahhhhh! One of them is mutating!
And it bears an uncanny resemblance to Papa Rae!

End of that day.

Next day we went to the Small Wild Goose Pagoda, which I think is cooler than the pictures of the Big WGP. I don't have a pic of the actual pagoda, cause I was too busy taking photos of this dude.


Practicing with a big sponge on a stick.


The grounds were full of these guys.
All different.


Sorry I edited this..but I kinda like it.
There were a couple drum troupes just randomly there.
They were pretty good.


So I don't have a pic of the pagoda, but this is from the top of it.
Ni hao, Xi'an!


My lunch.
I know I have too many pictures of noodle bowls, but they're ridiculously fabulous.
This one was spicy enough to blow the roof of your mouth.
I have glands (or something) in my mouth that will never be the same.


Girls who made my lunch.
They were super shy, but I got them to take a photo.
They were pretty stoked to have us eat there.


End of that day. Pop goes back to Dalian.
M and I and a friend of M's stay on.
We went to a temple market.


I know I shouldn't have.
But I bought an antique pocket watch.
Its actually antique. Its silver. Its awesome.
What am I going to do with it? Beats me.


Back down at the old Muslim market to buy art
(not me, cause I just bought that dumb/awesome watch.)
I found this to be an odd offer.


This guy does beautiful woodcuts.
I love woodcuts.
Damn you, watch!


Roasting chestnuts.
It was raining.


I liked the market in the rain, all the umbrellas made it really neat.






Xi'an was a blast. I wasn't geeked to go with a group, but whatevs. That mountain was definitely one of the best things Ive ever done. Things are real slow around here after that...

Lately Ive been obsessing over photoshop, cowboys (I think I need to go to a rodeo), and my excessively strange dreams. In the last few days Ive dreamed about pumpkin headed creepers attacking me with forks, border collies, and baking a sheet cake. I kid you not...it had fruit on top and blue frosting. It was very stressful because it wasn't smooth, so I ate some cake to smooth it out, then there wasn't enough cake! Fortunately, my alarm woke me up before I had to come up with a solution.

But its been bothering me all day.

What does it mean?

Snacks

As Andrew Bird once said, "there will be snacks"

He most likely wasn't talking about China.
Oh yes, China has lots of snacks.
None of them are in this house right now.

I wanted ice cream.
We certainly don't have any of that.
So I thought, 'maybe Ill have a string cheese'.
(which I brought from the states)
But were running dangerously low on string cheese.
What happens when I want one tomorrow?
So maybe Ill have some dried fruit.

All we have are prunes.

Maybe some frozen corn?
I like corn.

Then I said, hang it all.
Ill just make a cup of tea.
CUP OF TEA IT IS!
Im a long way from Kansas, Toto.

Huashaaaaannn! (Xi'an II)

That's Huashan, for those of you who dislike reading words with excessive vowels.

Anyway, Ive been geeked about this place since my friend Earl showed me a youtube video of it a few months ago. The video called it "the most dangerous hike in the world" and so I pretty much began plotting and scheming and cackling away to myself figuring how I was going to get out there and prove how much of a badass I was.

Truth be told, Huashan isn't really that dangerous.
It sure used to be.
But once a bunch of people started dying doing dumb stuff (like yours truly is wont to do), the government stepped in (or someone did, anyway) and made it alot safer.
Granted, its still freaking awesome.
Its not the best place if you don't like heights.
Or edges.
Its also very very crowded.
Like everything cool in China.

Come hell or high water, I was going to climb all the way to the top, spend the night up there, watch the sunrise, do the damn plank walk, scare the willies out of myself, and then hike my little self right back down again. I also planned to do this alone if need be.

You could also take the cable car.
If you were a sissy.
(see sissies in the little black dots halfway up the mountain)


So its not dangerous, but it sure is freaking steeeeeeeeep. (steep)
Chinese loooooove (love) stairs.


There were lots of helpful little signs like this.
"No watching when walking. When walking no watching."
This seems counter-intuitive to me.
Maybe its an American thing.


I didn't end up going alone.
The line for the cable car was three hours minimum, so after a few quick games of rock paper scissors (my favorite way of making important decisions) I ended up with a crew.
This is my intrepid crew- Scott, Pop, and Peter.
Yep, me shepherding three middle aged men up a mountain in China.
Take that- expensive college education!


I was real obsessed with taking pictures of these.
The chains are covered with brass locks and red pilgrimage strips.
You have the locks engraved with your name or your dreams or wishes of whatever and leave them up there forever. It was all kinds of picturesque.



Thanks for the advice.
I wasn't thinking about it.


There was a lot of this.
I'm real tired of stairs at this stage.


They didn't believe me that there was a hotel on top of the mountain.
Have I ever been wrong?
Don't answer that.


There was even a restaurant.
Here's the crew drinking pretty much all the beer they had at the restaurant.


Here's the bottle of Chinese swill I bought.
I was curious.
It looked like shitty whisky, generally a necessity on all trips of this nature.
If its going to be shitty, it needs to be strong.
This was neither good nor strong, tasting vaguely like sesame, and being only 35%.
Swill.


Picture this, only huuuuuuuuuuge. (huge)
This is the view from our hotel.



I have a collection of this kind of stuff.
This is maybe my favorite sign Ive seen so far.
Its the sign on the men's restroom- a couple of urinals rather than just a single squat toilet.


The next morning we went out at 5.30 to watch the sunrise.
With a hundred billion other people, but we'll just ignore them.


See? Wave to all our friends!
Ooooooo...the anticipation is killing me!


And just like that, there is a god.


Thus follows a series of the most picturesque stuff imaginable.
Stop it, China, please.
You're killing me here.




Maybe my favorite picture Ive ever taken.






I waited forrrrreeeeevvvvvver (forever) to get this shot without people in it.
I almost made it, but you cant really see him unless you're looking.
Nothing a little photoshop love cant fix.




Here's me on the death-defying plank walk!
In truth, its a little crazy.
There's a ton of people on it, and its really just three boards nailed into the cliff face halfway up with a big iron spike. You're clipped in to a cable (I sure was glad to see Petzl in China) that would probably pull out if everyone fell at once.
I was not especially concerned.
But that's because I'm an idiot.



On the way down.
MORE STAIRS.
goody.





Ill stop talking and leave you with this...


And this.


It was pretty much one of the coolest places Ive ever been.
Definitely the highlight of my trip so far- if any of you ever want to go to China, go to Huashan.
You can even ride the cable car. I wont make fun of you. Much.
Your quads will thank you.
But as I said to someone who tried to tell me that climbing to the top was a waste of time, I get a sense of accomplishment from climbing things that really don't need to be climbed. Buildings, mountains, farm equipment, rocks, canyons, whatever.

Huangshan is next....cackle cackle....
Or maybe the Caminito del Rey. Right mom?
Mom?

tap tap...anybody?